Feel Free to Say 'No'

 

This will be one of the rare times at this blog when I’ll encourage you to focus and/or say something negative. But, I promise, by the time you read through the end of this post you’ll realize that by saying “no” you’ll be actually doing something very positive for yourself… and for others.

No. Such a short word but sometimes saying it can be such a challenge. Saying "no" often costs nerves. Sometimes a person thinks "no" but says "yes," for fear of losing the reputation, of not being loved, of being cast away or appearing egotistical. And so we say “yes” and take on things that are neither beneficial nor necessary. We end up doing something we don’t want to, distracted, exhausted and stressed. So, in the long run no one actually benefits. Other people see us upset and we are oftentimes on the brink of insanity.

This same thing happened to me last summer. I was very busy at work, I was moving and I was trying to do everything I would’ve done if I wasn’t that busy – doing favors for others, going out with friends coz I couldn’t say ‘I’m tired’… At the end this has put huge strain on my psychical and mental health. That’s why I’ve decide to write about this. I’ve remembered how upset I felt all the time. I could not say ‘no” to my friends or to people at work and in the end I felt exhausted, distressed and flat out mad at everyone and everything. But as we know, everything happens with the reason and, I guess, I had to be this stressed out so I would focus on the fact that I needed to learn to say "no." This was the time when I realized I needed to stop and look for help. I wanted to train myself to start saying “no”.

This is what I have found out during my research and this is how I’ve done it. I don’t know actually if I stopped completely saying “yes” when I want to say “no” but I know that I feel much more comfortable saying “no” and I’m not that stressed out anymore.  

Exercise to say “no”
First, I’ve practiced to say “no” to myself. Psychologists say that oftentimes we say “yes” when we are unclear how we feel or if someone catches us off guard. So, we want to learn how to think our decisions through. In order to do this, we need to first start saying “no” at the face of any decision. For example, I would think to myself: “Now I need to go shopping," and then "No, it's better to do this… or do that… or do nothing." Doing nothing sounded always so appealing. :)

"No," associated with something positive
When we say “yes” to something we are most of the time upset because we’ve just said “no” to something we want to do. So, it’s always recommended to bear in mind that when we say “no” we actually say “yes” to something else, such as more time for ourselves, more relaxation, better health, protecting our money, good relationships with our friends.  It is therefore important that we add something positive when we think and say "no" to someone.

- I’d love to do this, but…

- I’m not the best person to help you with that. Why don’t you try …?

After all, you really want to help out but you either want to guard you money or your time or your relationship with others and that’s why you’re saying “no”.

Short sentences

I also exercised to express myself clearly and understandably – to speak in short sentences pointedly. This expresses strength, confidence and determination. At first it was difficult but with practice I got better. This is important because when we say “no” to someone we don’t need to give lengthy explanations, just to be kind and polite but confident.

"No" means no
Psychologists say that we ought to say "no" only when we really think "no" and ought to stick with it firmly. Preliminary we should check, whether a "yes" is possibility under some circumstances, but we should not allow others to convince us otherwise. So, no dwelling or second-guessing. After a decision is made we should just move on.  

"Yes" or "no"
At the end I enjoy my newfound freedom in saying “no”. She who has two options: either to say "yes" or "no” feels independent and free. This is a special feeling that makes my soul healthy.

So, say “no” and enjoy your freedom!