In order to have a happy
life one needs a healthy portion of self-love.
And self-love grows
with the personal development and progress.
How do you learn to love yourself? There are many books advising on this matter. Recently, I have read recommendations given by Viennese psychologist, Dr Julia Umek. I then realized that they nicely sum up what I have read over the years about the matter.
How do you learn to love yourself? There are many books advising on this matter. Recently, I have read recommendations given by Viennese psychologist, Dr Julia Umek. I then realized that they nicely sum up what I have read over the years about the matter.
Dr Umek recommends we ask ourselves these questions.
1.
What is my opinion of myself?
What can I change so that I start loving myself? I’ve understood this not as a suggestion to beat ourselves up for doing something “wrong”, but rather to think about things that we love about ourselves and concentrate on those. I believe her message is that we need to make an effort to stop self-criticism and be gentle and kind to ourselves. For example, whenever we start thinking negative things about ourselves, we should immediately concentrate on something that we love about ourselves.
What can I change so that I start loving myself? I’ve understood this not as a suggestion to beat ourselves up for doing something “wrong”, but rather to think about things that we love about ourselves and concentrate on those. I believe her message is that we need to make an effort to stop self-criticism and be gentle and kind to ourselves. For example, whenever we start thinking negative things about ourselves, we should immediately concentrate on something that we love about ourselves.
2.
Who am I grateful to? And what for?
Can I do something similar for someone so that that person becomes grateful to me? Helping others brings pleasure to us. We as humans like to help other human beings because we cannot live on our own. We live in groups and if we do something to benefit others from the group we feel good. (I refer to Mr. Darwin here). One Zen teacher once said: “You will do for the love of others what you would never be willing to do for yourself.” So do good, feel good.
Can I do something similar for someone so that that person becomes grateful to me? Helping others brings pleasure to us. We as humans like to help other human beings because we cannot live on our own. We live in groups and if we do something to benefit others from the group we feel good. (I refer to Mr. Darwin here). One Zen teacher once said: “You will do for the love of others what you would never be willing to do for yourself.” So do good, feel good.
3.
What a compliment would I give to myself if
I’d met my clone?
For example, would you have said "Your warmth feels good" or would you have said something bad to yourself. If you’d do the latter, I suggest you do something I once heard a television anchor does. Praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. She claimed it gave her boost to think positively about herself after she went through some hard times in her life.
For example, would you have said "Your warmth feels good" or would you have said something bad to yourself. If you’d do the latter, I suggest you do something I once heard a television anchor does. Praise yourself everyday, while in the front of the mirror. She claimed it gave her boost to think positively about herself after she went through some hard times in her life.
4.
When was the last time I felt good?
How can I repeat that feeling?
How can I repeat that feeling?
5.
What kind of challenges I have prepared for myself
today?
For example, today I will do something new and reward myself for it.
For example, today I will do something new and reward myself for it.
I would personally
add one more question:
6.
What do I see around myself? Beauty and
splendor or cruelty, evil and ugliness? I for once many times forget to
stop and smell the flowers. But we very much need to learn how to see beauty in
all things for when we learn to do that, we will also see beauty in ourselves.
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